Not writing was agony. By @Aerobabe619

writing

Deciding to take a break from writing was a necessary evil. Although I was in agony not writing.I needed to step back. It had gone from a passion to a problem. I made a mistake I think a lot of us do.I got caught up in the numbers ,and the feeling of defeat. Looking back I really wasn’t looking at my accomplishments. Instead I was watching the stats. Almost like being picked for dodgeball again in highschool.If my stats were low on a piece I felt defeated. But in reality,writing a blog for two years give or take. I wasn’t doing bad.Considering every thing I was doing was self-taught.

I learned about sharing other authors pieces. I was learning all the things necessary to get your writing out there.Along with trying to improve my writing skills.Teaching myself grammar,spelling and basically everything to be more clear in my thoughts. I had gotten a schedule down and was diligent in making sure I wrote every Sunday .It didn’t matter the subject or if it was my poetry I wrote. And made sure I tried to write back any comments on a post,along with sharing posts.

So why did I start that ride of beating myself up. Looking at my posts and cringing.Being upset if my stats were low. Instead of beaming in pride of four poems that were extremely popular .or posts that hit home with other writers or a mom that identified with a moment I had gone through. I know its good to challenge ourselves .To strive to be better. So I had to ask myself why was I writing? . I always said it was a passion of mine.This is true. And so is trying to share with my granddaughter that her Mimi,has a lot to say.

I realize now,if I want her to be fearless in life.To try things she’s passionate about. If I was gonna talk.I better walk the walk. So dusting off my ” desk” ,actually my kitchen table. I sat staring at the computer,ready to take the plunge again. But this time,it’s about being proud of myself that I’m doing something I love. And not to worry about the numbers. I’m never going to be in the “New york Times”.

But maybe one day Layla will pick up my folder of stories,poems and blogs and think her Mimi was a cool lady. That’s all in the long run I truly care about .Is the print I leave with my daughters and my grandchildren.They are not going to sit around the coffee table waxing poetic,that mom had a lot of followers. No ,they are going to say ” remember when mom……” There is also the great feeling when once in a while I will get a comment that somebody identified with a moment,or a poem.

I’m back in the saddle again.Wriring,reading and having fun. Next year is going to be even better. I won’t have a group of numerals control me. Or a person for that fact. The next time I’m told I should take a break,or give it up.I will say to them,hold your breath. And then ask them how does it feel not to breathe?. When they reply agony. There you go. It’s the same way I feel .Not writing. Pencils on paper people,there are stories to tell.

Cleaning House,? OH! That Kind Of Cleaning House! By @Aerobabe619

Cleaning house for some is the typical sweeping moping dusting.But in my home,there are two types of cleaning.When the home needs to be cleaned you will hear me say ” Hand me the bucket,bags and broom” The family knows it’s time to make the house livable.If you hear me say “Cleaning House!” With a tone,you better pray.I have come to a point were life has become to complicated.My dad always said “Life is as complicated as you make it”.

The last couple of months have been a virtual juggling act,family traveling between many states,my granddaughter living with me for twenty days her Paw-Paw for five,other family for two days here,two days there.Now she is back to regular life,and her mom wonders with real shock,”Why is she not sleeping,eating,whatever on schedule?” WHAT? I look at her with complete shock,she has to be kidding!

I told her,when life goes upside down,you have to get a grip before it runs away like an off track locomotive. With that said,I started looking at mine.Desk looks like a bomb went off,There are two major things hanging in the air,that need to get done! So I can close two heartbreaking doors.One is just waiting now for the date to come up,get through it and move on.The other is waiting on the weather! My parents headstone.Its finished but,don’t you know two weeks of down pouring rain,has held things up.It most likely will be put in place on my birthday….happy birthday…ugh.There is
nothing I can do but wait.

Then personal relationships and those that are not.Social media sites,people who have not said two words to me.Im not a numbers person.If I have ten friends that really talk to me,then I’m happy with that.But the worse is relationships that are hurting you.Not necessarly physical,but there are other types of pain.Then it’s time to Clean House.! People,things or not running your life in healthy ways.Time to get the broom and clean up the mess.

Sometimes,it is eating or lack of taking good care of yourself.Get together a chart and make a realistic goal chart.Clean up your finances,a lot of money goes down the drain,on ATM fees.I check my Finances on a secure online bank site.Write down your starting monthly balance,don’t forget to subtract fees for phone pay,that is if you pay bills by phone there is a charge.Any fees from ATM,Check fees and overdraft fees,they all add up.Clean House! You will have more money in your pocket and breathe at night!

There are many areas of our life,if we clean house,you will be able to find peace and happiness in the end.Its somewhere underneath all the unneeded things,or undone projects.Not worn,used,played with,talked to or healthy objects,people,feelings.

CLEAN HOUSE and SMILE!

My Last Post (Closing Time For Blogging) By @ Aerobabe619

I have written since about age nine.Sometimes short stories,long dramatic stories,poetry,plays,jingles.I even tried my hand at some television shows.I would get my sister and cousins some times friends and we would tape.Now at this time all I had been was a cassette recorder,so it was all audio.I found a few not to long ago and they were so bad they are hilarious.Especially my broadcasting a football game in a really bad Howard Coeell voice.

I have also written songs,and for a father’s day gift taped with my girls songs from Garth Brooks in Central Park VHS. Oh we are bad,three cats with tails caught,singing away.But we had an absolute fantastic time doing it. I have always enjoyed writing and entertaining my family. My dads 60th birthday I had my daughters at that time ages eleven and six learn the words to Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy and My Guy.We did a skit of my dad and sang these songs.The girls have grown up to be artistic in many ways,winning awards.Wonderful singers ,they can play musical instruments and as great at teaching my granddaughter how to be into th arts.

But with all this under my belt,the hardest,most gut wrenching writing has been blogging.I started blogging in 2006 as a therapeutic way to deal with my dads death. It was a site called “BlogStream” a very laid back ,early form of a blog community.The backgrounds were few and fonts,etc very rudimentary. But in the beginning the community was wonderful.Very little competitive attitude.We backed each others work.

Eventually it became an advertising spot,or people selling their goods,and Three years later, I decided my journey was over. But I learned and moved on with different interests.Sooner or later the urge to write again started biting and I joined Poetry,com a wonderful site,you write a poem,people judge it ,to publish your poem,you have to judge two.’ I wrote enough to make my Masters badge.

The last three years I have blogged under WordPress.I have met some wonderful people and made friends all over the world.Its time however to focus on other areas of my life and challenge myself.

I wish all the bloggers,authors,poets and writers much success.Thank you for the experience,a lot has been learned.

The Emotion Is You,The Laughter Is Drum Rolls. (Poem) By @ Aerobabe619

Image

Listen,listen to the sound.

it is all around me,I didn’t recognize it.

What can it be?.

Its been such a long time.

Then I realize it’s mine.

The laughter is real, I didn’t think I could feel.

My smiles are just from the thought.

And the cement crumbles,The laughter sounds like drum rolls.

The newest emotions,Eyes sparkle green.

I look through eyes that have cried away dreams.

Now I have the hope,and to think I can cope,

No old habits start,you jumped started my heart.

Every Song has new meaning,every look at the ceiling,

Is no longer of pain,or tears with a constant remain.

Looking at that cracked ceiling,now building life.

It hasn’t been easy,my trust you had to earn.

Searching over every word.

Like a musician starts to learn,playing a new song.

I’m ready to ride along.

And in the end.

Even more my friend,who ever would know.

That the person would be you.

Friends for thirty years.

Shared laughter,family,fears.

Play your music,cause each song  is new.

And the emotion is you.

Rye Bread And Cream Cheese (My Dad’s Gift) By @Aerobabe619

live life

My dad  had a way of giving advice or giving out punishment in a very tricky way.He wouldn’t scream,yell or even raise his voice.Sometimes it would have been easier ,to hear him bellow that I messed up.  Than to hear “CheriAnn can you see me in the kitchen”.I would creep down the steps and turn the corner,I would see it.A loaf of uncut rye bread and a slab of cream cheese. I was either in trouble,or he saw trouble coming and had advice.

Now if the rye bread was already cut,I would take a deep breath and sigh,I wasn’t in trouble. If it had to be cut and he had the saw-toothed knife,and started cutting bread,I did something that was not good,usually really not good.However I was always grateful whatever the situation was,that my dad was home to handle it.My mothers way,well.i hate the idiot that invented belts. So my dad would always start with, a question and we would go from there. Usually a half of loaf later I usually was crying even if it was good advice. He tried,he tried in his way to keep me off the wrong roads.

The other day I was at the super market and saw in the bakery rye bread,I picked up the already cut loaf,a brick of light cream cheese. And went home, it was late and my daughter was up. I asked her what was wrong,she didn’t answer just kept texting. I called her to the kitchen, “how about some rye bread and cream cheese”.

 

To my dad  how I miss you ….5/11/06

In The Back Yard By @Aerobabe619

Sitting on my back porch
The activities begin.
My hair wisps lightly
From the sun and the wind.

I watch my backyard just to see
Who is watching back carefully.
In the corner is their favorite spot,
If I sit here everyday,I see them a lot.
Little brown bunnies,wrinkle their nose.
Eating all the clover,as quickly as it grows.

My skin is warming gently from the sun.
Sipping on my diet Pepsi,the fun has just begun.
I put on my music and start to read a book.
One chapter in I take another look.

The tree in my corner,cherry blossom white.
Sways gently as it reaches night.
Dusk is coming and the time in between.
Sun is still shining as it sinks fading.
All the bugs come dancing,around my porch light.
Getting ready for the long night.

I will sit one more hour,as I hate to go in.
Its my time for God and me,to talk from within.
As I finish chatting,my soul begins to heal.
The backyard is my healing place.
A Nirvana I can see is real.

You Are The Land By @Aerobabe619 (Poetry)

Standing at the water’s edge.

I look across the land.

The wind is blowing tears.

I then feel your hand.

Walking we talk about the pain.

Inside my heart.

I didn’t know,what way to turn.

I didn’t know were to start.

 

With me you say a smile so bright,

Lay your trouble at my feet.

I return with a nod “but I’m in so deep”.

Never matters how far you are.

I will answer my child,

All you do is knock.Ill return your refuge.I Am your rock.

 

Standing at the waters edge.

I turn to give thanks.

All I feel is wind blowing.

Across the land.

Knowing all of it is you.

As you touched my hand.